Finding My Seventh Day

The past few months of my life have had me on this giant quest for what my life means right now. I feel like I’m constantly searching for my church home, that perfect job, the love of my life, or simply, my comfortable little niche in this world that hits the sweet spot at just the right place.

You know, just the little things...

What I have discovered in the past few weeks is that it’s all just smoke and mirrors. Without intention, I have created this dizzy little environment of constant movement. I am lucky enough to be involved in a Thursday Community Group of college friends, combined with new faces, that allows me to come (even if for one night) and just talk, share, listen, sit, and just be. More than any other time in my life, the stillness terrifies me. I realize that I’m desperately afraid to evaluate my life and question if what I am doing is right (is there even an answer to this?!), glorifying, holy, and accountable. Are my gifts being used to the best of their ability? Going a step forward, are they even being used? We shared our strengths and weaknesses about this, each defining our struggles with contentment and the constant need for something better, faster, brighter...busier. Busyness is so intertwined into our daily fiber that it has become deceptive to what it truly is, sin. It isn’t the action that is the sin (after all, we have to work, provide, volunteer, etc.) it’s the “crutch” that we turn it in to. When your busy job interferes with the relationships in your life, it’s safe to say that you must evaluate what you’re putting your faith in to. What is the worth of that promotion when you’ve let down everyone else in your life? Or worse, what has that harmless social function turned into when you allow no time for yourself?

With these questions, we took to our group and challenged each other to a daily moment of silence for 10 minutes. Some of you might think, “seriously...10 minutes? Easy.” But I knew immediately that this was going to be a challenge for me. You see, silence does not happen to be one of my gifts, and more specifically; I have no shining achievements in the art of stillness. The first few times I tried to do this, my thoughts would go something like this:

...what did I forget at the grocery store?

Do I still have clothes at the cleaners?...

...ugh, would you just look at those cuticles? I can’t even remember the last time I had a manicure.

I wonder what I’m going to do this weekend?...

...My ends are so split, I could go for a trim.

It makes me sad because I know that this robs me of some quality time with God. How can I truly dwell in Him if I can’t be still for a mere 10 minutes? The past few weeks I haven’t allowed myself the pleasure of solitude, and quite frankly, I feel it. I feel my relationships suffering and my grip loosening on things that matter the most.

I believe that God gives us little (sometimes large!) inward glimpses into our life to warn us that our path is starting to get rocky. The quieting of my heart doesn’t mean that I’ll stop every mid-week pleasure that is tossed my way, but I’d like to think that it will re-define the emphasis on my time with Him. The holidays tend to spill over with some of life’s greatest joys while also continuing the fray of our never-ending “busy” rope; something that I think we should all be cognizant of. Eat too much, soak up your friends and family, give back, love more, live more, but remember to calm yourself before the Lord. I can’t imagine that you’d regret the abundant intimacy that can be achieved through such stillness, and Lord knows that we can never underestimate the power of being busy for him.

Most importantly, that manicure can always wait.

“By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.” ~ Genesis 2:1-3

*Editor’s note: The irony of this post is that I’ve had half of it written for days now and have yet to publish it because (you guessed it)...I’ve been too "busy."