The Bachelor Recap

Reeling. That’s what I’m doing right now as I sit here and try to write about last night’s episode. To be honest, the whole thing was just one big disaster. I knew that this week was going to separate the potentials from the hopefuls but I had no idea that it was going to get so…well, crazy.

Now, before I start this week’s dissection, I must say that I blame Jason for a little bit of this madness. For instance, Shannon has proved her psychopathic tendencies from day one - there should be no surprises here. So my question is, why keep her? Instead of being tickled by raging lunacy, I was just kind of annoyed. In her shameful attempts to “prove” herself to Jason she started to crumble and it was all just too much to watch. While others paled in comparison to her craziness, she was given a run for her money from a few other ladies. Here are the dates and results below.

For those of you that watched DeAnna’s season last year, you may remember the time that she asked the bachelors to write and perform a song for her. Jesse took the gold and practically sealed his fate as the winner of the entire season with his ability to buck up and have a good laugh at himself. Because the ABC producers love a good dose of humiliation, they thought it’d be a good idea for Jason to ask the same of these ladies. While goofy, this is lighthearted and fun enough to pass the buck. I shudder to think of what they could do in lieu of this…I’m sure they’d figure out a way to get nudity involved. Needless to say, the girls were asked to make up a song on the fly and perform. The obvious hams jumped right in and the other wet blankets struggled, namely Nikki. Regardless of her tears, she had to perform. Molly rapped about fast food, Lauren sang like she was Celine, Stephanie broke out the vibrato and Nikki sang a lullaby?? If this is confusing to you, believe me, you’re not alone. Instead of poking fun of herself and giving it a go, she managed to draw more attention to herself in a negative way. Jason rewarded Molly with the one-on-one date for her cutesy ode to love and French fries.

The one-on-one date was a low-key night at Jason’s place. Molly and Jason dined on burgers and s’mores for what seemed like an actual real life date. While we applaud the commonness of this date, we can’t help but think that the recession has affected everyone, even reality television. Cheapness aside, Jason was digging her chili. They changed into some comfortable clothes and decided to make-out. Oops, I mean camp out. From where I was sitting, it almost seemed like Jason was laying it on a little too thick. I noticed that Molly would lean her head back a little bit in that way that shouts “personal space invasion.” Regardless, it must not have been too invading because Molly accepted his overnight request and stayed in the tent until the next morning. Instead of changing back into her clothes, Molly decided to take the Walk of Shame full on and parade around the house. Obviously the girls were annoyed and just in time for their group date.

Next up, acting school! Brilliantly, ABC decided to continue with the “budget saving” theme and plan a date on their personal production lot. Aside from waking up those two D-list actors to welcome the group to the set, there was really no planning involved. Melissa, Shannon, Megan, Naomi, Lauren and Jillian set out to create their own story with bizarrely coordinated scenes. Of course there was tension from the get-go when everyone got to kiss Jason in their scene but Melissa. She was none too happy about this and was over the day before it had even begun. When they were finished, they were whisked away to an abandoned LA hot spot for their “wrap party.” Naomi began the pout fest and completely separated herself from the group. We couldn't help but laugh at her goofy attempt to leave, and yet still remain in the frame. Jason spent most of the evening on damage control, wiping up tears left and right. There was so much obvious unattraction on Jason’s part that things just started to unravel. Shannon got snotty, Lauren got bossy and Megan tried to be perky. All in all, the date was just a mess and it looked like Jason was looking for an out.

Lastly, we had the 2-on-1 date with Stephanie and Nikki. The stakes were high for these two, knowing that one of them would be let go. They were given gowns to don for their evening of twinkle lights and ballroom dancing. This date was just unexciting from the get go. Stephanie was a trooper and put on the supplied dress, while Nikki noticeably turned down their option, which is just one more example of Nikki not being able to roll with the punches – an obvious turnoff. In a sad twist of events, Nikki dropped the “11 year relationship” bomb on Jason and sealed her fate. Being the eternal optimist, I’d like to think that Nikki went home, took a long look in the mirror, signed up for some therapy and started on her road to recovery. Anyway, Jason returned back to Stephanie after letting Nikki go in what was an obvious Mother-Son interaction. This moment showed to us that they were on two different pages, she was just dying for her first kiss and we think that he was just looking for her to make him some hot chocolate and scratch his back.

Now that the dates are out of the way, we can move onto the individual results. In what was the most necessary rose ceremony yet, we were actually thrilled to see some of these ladies go.

Jillian – Jillian laid low this week and she should be proud of herself. This was not the episode to get your 15 minutes and we think that she’ll pick up steam in future episodes. Status: rose.

Melissa – So this week exposed a weakness for Melissa, jealousy. To be fair, I think anyone in this situation would get a little crazy but she just needs to keep herself in check. We really want to be right when this is all said and done. Status: rose.

Shannon – There is really not much left to say about Shannon. Instead of beating a French-kissing dog when they’re down, we’ve decided to go easy and grant her some mercy. Our best advice is to find a safe house and maybe lay low for awhile. Status: no rose.

Megan – I really have nothing to say about Megan, except that I would confidently bet a million dollars on the fact that she is nowhere in the vicinity of her stated age (25). Status: no rose.

Naomi – I’m going to go ahead and call “friend-zone” on this one. Naomi and Jason aren’t meant for each other. I think he kept her on the sole basis that her head didn’t do a 360° swivel. Status: rose.

Lauren – Or should I call her, Delusional? Lauren was spouting out orders all over the place and frankly, they were simply unmerited. She would say something really bossy and then come out with, “Do you want to kiss me right now? You know you want to kiss me.” We just hope that Lauren’s exit will give rise to her future successes in the music industry, I can hardly wait until “Famous” comes out. Status: no rose.

Molly – We have pretty much covered the bases on Molly. He’s very interested in her and I wouldn’t be surprised if she keeps everyone guessing until the end. Status: rose.

Nikki – This was a tumultuous episode for Nikki and I have a feeling that she’ll be battling some of these issues for years to come. In all seriousness, she needs to work on laughing a little bit more and enjoy the ride. Status: no rose.

Stephanie – So this is the episode that has finally made her fall from grace. We still think that she has a heart of gold, but the “mother figure” persona is just coming on too strong. I wouldn’t necessarily label her a cougar just yet, maybe just a cougar-in-training. I think that next week will be D-day for Stephanie and she’ll have to have a moving van to take away her beads and body glitter. Status: rose.

I’m so glad that we can put this week behind us. You know things are bad when Jason can’t even entertain the thought of another week with some of these girls so he takes it upon himself to take a rose out of contention. We’ll let him off the hook. He’s had a sufficient amount of awkwardness to last him for a long time.

As for next week, we have a trip to Seattle, Ty, and more time for each girl to “get to know” Jason. See you then!

Ps. Did Chris Harrison take some time off, where WAS he?